ESTABILISHING BOUNDARIES

Sexual boundaries might be things like “I don’t have one-night stands” or “I insist on using condoms” or “Don’t touch my butthole, please.”

All of these and all other boundaries are important in ensuring our safety and comfort in the bedroom. But it isn’t always enough – or easy for that matter – to say “No butt-stuff.” Because boundaries are the most important, whether it is regarding casual sex or long-term partners. Here’s a little proposal:

Not all partners are created alike

Your partner’s previous partner might have liked it quick and dirty, but that doesn’t mean that you want it that way.

Don’t assume your partner will know what you want. Everyone is different regarding what turns them on an what turns them off. Just as you won’t know what your partner wants, unless you ask about it or act on signals, you are given. If you need to know more about each other, go to U&I

No-fly zones

Sometimes there are places on our bodies that we don’t want to be touched. Whether it be your ticklish thighs, your super sensitive neck, your calloused runner’s feet, or what have you, your partner won’t know that you have off-limits body parts unless you tell them. They might even forget in the heat of the moment. No matter what, you are always allowed to have No Fly Zones.

Keep telling your partner in a friendly tone or redirect them gently.

Porn is not real sex

The violent, sexist nature of pornography has warped the approach and understanding of normal, comforting, wonderful and fun everyday sex.

Not every woman wants her hair pulled and to be slapped, but your partner may think so. Speak up! Especially if your partner pulls some porn moves on you, do not be afraid to stop them.

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