Vaginismus involves both nerves and muscles. It can be a little complicated to understand why and how the muscles in the pelvic floor react, so this is how we at When Love Hurts have come to understand vaginismus:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just like when a doctor tests your knee’s response and your leg automatically kicks, vaginismus is an automatic reflex. When you get anxious or expect pain, the body will automatically respond to protect you. It happens involuntarily. Your will has got nothing to do with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Think of a hand approaching a hot stove. Most times you will be surprised at how quickly you reacted. Your body will remember the pain, attempting painful penetration more than once. That way, the next time penetration is about to happen, the body will react against it, tightening your pelvic muscles so hard it cannot happen. Your body is trying to protect you from the threat of pain (penetration), but in doing so, it inflicts more pain. The nerve responses of these muscles become reflexive and harder to control consciously. The pelvic muscles lose flexibility and blood flow, adding to the pain in the long run. Vaginismus can be a vicious pain circle, and that is why patience is essential when it comes to treating it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The unconscious tightening of the pelvic muscles happens around the urethra, vagina, and anus. Muscles eventually relax when the \u201cthreat\u201d of penetration has gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The muscles involved are called the Levator Ani<\/em> and the Perineal Membrane<\/em>. They sit a little inside the vagina. The levator ani is split into sections, with the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle being the one most involved with vaginismus. The muscle wraps around either side of the urethra, vagina, and anus. A piece of the PC connects with the perineum, between the vagina and anus. When this muscle contracts, it squeezes the urethra, vagina, and anus closed. The contraction also moves the perineum a bit up and forward. This creates the closed-off, tightened feeling in the vagina. The perineal membrane lies beneath the levator ani muscle, closer to the skin. When it contracts, the membrane squeezes the openings shut. This makes the tightness feeling even more intense. The Levator Ani group is much like the quad muscle in the thigh. It isn\u2019t just one, but a group of muscles. You contract them together, they work as a team. This doesn\u2019t mean that one section can\u2019t be tighter than another section, though. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Some women, not all, feel a lot of anxiety in relation to vaginismus. Just the mere thought of something getting near their vulva makes them want to flee. If you feel those overwhelming alarm signals, you probably have to address it cognitively. You need to reframe the action of something coming near you. On your way to overcoming vaginismus, you have to find something to put instead of fright. Look into how people overcome phobias Do I have Vaginismus<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you can identify specific things or instances that bring on your tightness and pain, it may make it easier to avoid those triggers and to work them through. Any progress is an important step.<\/p>\n\n\n\n DOWNSCALE DAILY PAIN?<\/p>\n\n\n\n RESTRICT CERTAIN ACTIVITES<\/p>\n\n\n\n DEDICATE TIME<\/p>\n\n\n\n FEEL SAFE<\/p>\n\n\n\n Work<\/p>\n\n\n\n First off, do not worry. If it is too much to tell a potential partner about vaginismus on your first date, consider to tell him you have pains around the tailbone or jittery nerves in your pelvis. At your own speed, you can add on to the story. What you started out by telling was not a lie, just a smooth way of building up to reality. Eventually, it is a good idea to explain what is going on. Give your partner the possibility to learn more. Having vaginismus is not a life-long sentence of not being sexually active. But many women explain that they are super nervous to try intimacy or intercourse even after vaginismus. If you’re withholding because you don’t believe a partner will be understanding, know that a lot of women who have vaginismus have great partners; and intercourse is not the only way to be sexually intimate. Vaginismus in a relationship is very much what the two of you make of it. So if you wish a to be in a relationship, give it a chance. You might risk meeting a jerk, but that’s a chance everyone has to take when entering a relationship. Make sure you trust and engage a possible partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tell your partner what does and doesn\u2019t feel good. Tell them in a nice way. Share if you have had bad experiences. That way you show that you trust them and that you believe they will help you feel good and safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Communicating about what both of you want or need is a healthy way to open up your sexual dialogue. Telepathy between couples hasn’t yet been proven to work. Sex isn\u2019t going to become easy all of a sudden. Talking about how your relationship and sex life is a work in progress and helps to facilitate a feasible path for the two of you. Read As a Couple<\/a> of inspiration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Many women tell us they have come far in treating their vaginismus. They just need that last bit of the way – penetration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n All that training on your own is partly meant for you to get a toolbox to use when penetration is about to happen. Of course, it takes time for sex to be pleasurable and safe. Do yourself a favour, choose someone to be with to whom you can say “today is not the day either – let’s do something else”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some women tell us they have their first try with another woman. Just a thought. Whoever it is, make sure to be present at the moment. Try not to get wrapped up in “what if it is going to hurt?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you are in it, try to enjoy each stage of sexual pleasure without feeling pressure to move to the next. If the next step is not going to be right now, maybe a baby step will be enough for today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember to set the right pace. If you like it slow, make slow sex your new thing. If penetration is fine, maybe just for a short while, be happy about that. How you consider it has a lot to do with expectations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If possible, find positions that aren\u2019t painful or try to modify positions to stop the pain. Maybe leaning to one side might help. If you feel fine with just having the head of a penis inside you, use your hands to create a barrier and prevent deeper penetration. Try the woman-on-top position, this allows you to control the depth, speed, and tempo of the intercourse. When Deep Penetration Hurts<\/a>, Penetration has no veto power<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Penetrative sex does not have to be the only way to show that you care. You both can find other ways to express affection. Touching with your hands, using your mouths, stroking bodies can be ways to get close to your partner. Cook in the nude, laugh together, express your affection – lots of partners forget that there is more to intimacy than intercourse. Maybe your thing is to be odd\/silly together. Read The Love Bit<\/a> of inspiration. <\/p>\n\n\n\nLIVING WITH VAGINISMUS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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SINGLE WITH VAGINISMUS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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DATING<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
IN A RELATIONSHIP<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
TIPS’N’TRICKS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
PREGNANCY\/FERTILITY<\/h2>\n\n\n\n