Sexual loss, grief, longing and shame

Sexual loss, grief, longing and shame are emotions many women experience when living with pelvic pain. Pelvic pain is about more than physical discomfort. It can affect your sex life, your self image, your relationships and your sense of freedom in your own body.

Give yourself time to come to terms with your situation, and allow room for ups and downs. These feelings rarely follow a set order. They may dominate for a while, almost disappear and then return when something reminds you of what you have lost or never had. This does not mean that you are going backwards.

Grief

There can be a deep grief over not being able to do what others can. A longing to be free of sorrow, to be like everyone else, and to talk about small ripples in your sex life. The painful frustration of hearing friends talk about their nightlife, and the self reproach of not being able to feel happy for them.

It is natural and completely understandable to feel this way, even if it does not feel pleasant or easy to accept.

The first step is often to dare to acknowledge the emotions that have come with pelvic pain. How much space does grief take up right now? Has it become a heavy blanket that drains your energy and initiative? Or are there moments when you feel the desire to explore whether things could be different?

Find people you feel safe talking to. A therapist, a friend or a family member who listens without judgement can make a big difference. Also read The Path to Pleasure.

Loss

It may not be possible to return to how things were. Some things may be lost to illness, treatment or a body that has changed.