ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT

Sexual assault is an umbrella term for unwanted sexual contact between two or more individuals. You might be uncertain whether you consider your experience a sexual assault or not. Maybe you were not able to say no; maybe you don’t remember, maybe it is too painful to remember,  maybe you knew or trusted the person, who harmed you.

Here it is all about how you feel. Whether you feel violated, or feel your sexual boundaries have been crossed.

When Love Hurts focuses on causes of sexual pain. Many other aspects of your life may be affected by a sexual assault, and therefore it is essential that you seek help in multiple places to address all elements you may need help with.

Sexual assault might not be considered a medical diagnosis, but it can have a longterm effect and cause physical complications as well as psychological ones. 

Some of these symptoms are listed below. The list is not exhaustive, and you may not identify with these specific symptoms; however, this shows how extensive and varied the impact can be:

  • Sexual pain
  • Anxiety, fear, self-blame
  • Depression
  • Difficulties engaging in sexual activities
  • Bowel problems
  • Pelvic muscle tension
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Flashbacks/Nightmares
  • Self-Harm
  • Concern for personal safety
  • Intimacy problems; trust, kiss, hug and closeness

TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR

When speaking to a doctor about sexual pain, you can choose to mention you have a history of sexual assault. This can help your doctor determine the cause of your troubles.

The assault may be difficult to talk about, and it is entirely your decision whether or not you open up to your doctor. However, sharing this information will give the doctor a better understanding of what could be causing your problems. You do not have to go into detail or be graphic. The point is not to relive your experience but to enlighten your doctor and allow them to give you the best possible treatment.

Your doctor should be able to give you information on how to further cope with your assault and will have a better understanding of any physical and/or emotional issues you may have as a consequence.

TALK IT THROUGH

First of all, your mental health is incredibly important. Speaking with a psychologist or therapist can help individuals process and better handle themselves. Support groups are a good source of help, as well as trusted and good friends, who know you well and how to support you.

You will need to talk through what happened, how it still affects you, and how you can move beyond the experience in order to limit the effect it has on you as much as possible. With a Danish National Health Medical Card, it is possible to individually contact The Rape Treatment Center where you will find help and psychologists at your service.

COULD THIS BE A PATH?

The below list is comprised of suggestions. You can read more o The Love Bit and Manage.

At When Love Hurts, we are fully aware that this is much easier said than done and that you as an individual might need an entirely different set of tools to work with. However, have a look and consider whether any of the suggestions mentioned below seem as if they may work for you. As always talk it through with your doctor before starting. 

  • Master stretching and relaxing your muscles. Probably it is a good idea to map your muscle tensions. Tight muscles can cause very painful sexual experiences. For example, a tight psoas muscle can cause you pain in the pelvic area near the legs and the lower back. Read Care of Muscles, Care of Muscles Knots.
  • Use breathing as a tool to learn to “let go”. Read Breathing.
  • Working focused on pelvic muscles. You can regain control over your body if pelvic muscles work at their own pace read Care of Pelvic Muscles, Use of Dilator.
  • Self-examine your vulva and vagina and become comfortable doing so. You need to be able to touch yourself before anybody else can. You are the one, who needs to teach your body, that touch is okay. Read Check yourself
  • Open up for your sexuality as a start. Attempting to engage in sexual activity can trigger an automatic response in your body as a means to protect itself. You have the power to change your automatic response. Get inspiration to start on your own in The Love Bit and read about Vaginismus.
  • Engage in sexual activity with individuals that you know,  trust, and can communicate with. Your sense of safety is fundamental. It allows anxiety to be relieved and this can in turn decrease pain.
  • Boundaries are incredibly important. Be vocal with your partner about what is okay and what is not okay. Read Establish Sexual Boundaries.
  • Always engage in foreplay before sexual intercourse in order to allow for your body to signal it is ready (i.e. vaginal lubrication). Also, you can use silicone lubricants to prevent sudden dryness and thereby pain. ( Props & Pearls recommends)

It might feel like a bumpy road back to ‘normal’.  It may be difficult to recognise any progress if memories suddenly take you back or your healing process suffers other setbacks.

Please remember to praise yourself over and over again for trying and not pushing your sexuality away and burying it, because of what happened to you. It is a choice you make, and it is a strong choice, that you can be proud of. 

If you are up to it, read more about sexual assault in LIVING WITH THE AFTERMATH.